As part of our new series on life experiences, our readers explain what its like, as an adult, to have never had sex
Its in films, anthems, BBC adaptations of Russian epic novels sex is taken for granted as being part of adult life. But how does it feel to be a virgin in your 30 s and 40 s?
We asked you as part of our new series, How it feels, in which readers discuss lifes big experiences. Heres what you said:
I have always fallen for people who are unavailable
I was a Christian until my early 20 s, so I didnt sleep with my boyfriend at university otherwise he would have been the first. I havent been in a proper relationship since then because Ive always fallen for people who were unavailable in some way.
I only recently fell in love properly for the first time. The man Im with is older and damaged after a difficult divorce, so our relationship is moving very slowly. I havent told him Im a virgin but I think he is likely to be OK with it. He seems to accept me precisely as I am. I feel like we are soulmates.
The reason I have waited so long is because I didnt want the first time to be a one-night stand( Ive had a few possibilities that route, and while I am still a virgin I have done other things ). Fortunately every man with whom Ive been in any way physical has been very understanding and not pushed. Plainly they didnt come back, with a few exceptions. One man hung around guessing he would be the first, but I realised it was because it would be a feather in his cap; he didnt am worried about me. Anonymous woman, 42
I battle social nervousnes due to my physical appearance
I am still a virgin because of my crippling social anxiety, possibly due to my big facial growths. As small children I was often bullied by girls, so it took a good 20 years before I plucked up the fortitude to get out there. I still have not had a relationship that has gone to that level. Being a virgin isnt something I dwell on day to day. Occasionally though, I do wonder what I am missing out on. It seems that sexuality is something our society is obsessed about, even though in reality I believe everyone can live without. Anonymous man, 49
I am still a virgin because I am very well endowed
The reason I am still a virgin is that I am very well endowed. The ladies in my life help find it really hard to relax when it comes to having sexuality with me due to expecting intercourse to hurt them. I have been intimate in other styles, however, and even been in three long-term relationships. I know there are ladies out there that opt a larger man, I only havent received them. After all, sexuality is about pleasure if both parties are not experiencing pleasure during sex then its not a very balanced sexual relationship.
Being a virgin later in life feels the same as being a virgin as a adolescent. The only change is, rather than are concerned about being the odd one out, there are more things going on in the world to be hung up over. My friends tend to wonder why I havent built it my life goal to have sex. Especially now kids are being born in our circle of friends. I dont especially want infants, so that phase mystifies them in its entirety. Anonymous man, 32
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